Getting it together!!!

Today I finally went to church. Man I havent been to church in so long its a shame. I know better than that but some things have kept me from being able to attend. I wasnt able to go to my own church but boy did I get a message at this service. The preacher was talking about how in order to receive ur miracle, there are some things u have to do. First you have to separate yourself from some things and some people. You cant receive the blessings God has in store for you when ur surrounded by things and people who are not of God. This is hard for me simply because some of the people that I am around that I know arent good for me are my family. I always accept the butt of relationships when it comes to my family and I have been tired of doing so. I let a lot of peoples issues and problems become my own and I either try to solve them or make them change and I realize I cant do neither. Noone can change without Jesus and no one can change someone except Jesus. Another thing that I have to do is truly walk with God and go where Ive never been before. I need to stop trying to tread in shallow water and go all the way in and believe that God is with me and I can make it. Lately I have been feeling very alone, I didnt even feel like God was with me although I know better than that. I had to realize that it wasnt God who turned his back on me, it was me who turned my back on God. I have just been through so much lately in my friendships, relationships, family, personal life, etc. It seems like once one thing went wrong everything else started to fall a part as well. I also realize that God has taken a lot from me cuz he has so much to give me. I have to start over, and I couldnt do that with certain things and people in my life. With one situation, Idk what God is going to do, but I am willing to accept whatever it is. I actually can feel myself changing and not really caring about that anymore. Anyhoo, I have no idea what God has for me but I have been told time and time again that I am only going through all this because I have a major blessing right around the corner. And the reason I am struggling is because I wasnt ready for the blessing that is for me. I dont want to get it prematurely because then I will lose it just as quick as it came. Alot of things has happened that way. Its crazy what holding on to pain can do to u. Im not even really hurt anymore and Im still holding on to stuff, which is why I havent moved to my next position yet. I know now that its time that I get into place. I was also told that if something is yours, no matter how far away it goes, it will come back.. If its not yours then God isnt going to allow it to come back and God isnt the one that put it together. Its hard to face the future when your present looks so bleak but its time to get some stuff poppin.. I have to stop dwelling on what I dont have and focus on what I do have. I have life, I may feel sick but Im alive and well. I have a beautiful son, who loves me. I have friends who I can depend on, and most of all I have God. Even though I keep running he keeps his arms open and lets me back in every time.. How amazing is that? I wish people were like that but hey, although we were made in his image, we still stray away from his likeness. Yes i have made mistakes, and the crazy thing is I keep punishing myself when God has already forgiven and wiped the slate clean. I also keep allowing people and things to pull me backward. That shows major weakness and I know I am stronger than that. Ive been through too much not to be.. Satan keeps attacking me cuz he knows once I walk upright its over. But I also know that Satan can only do what I allow him to. If I give him power he will have dominion over me. Another thing that stuck with me that the preacher said today is that you have to have a Nevertheless spirit. When God tells you to do something, it may sound foolish to you but u need to do it Nevertheless.. Submitting to God is rough especially when ur surrounded by doubt and people who dont believe in you, but its something you have to do if u want to succeed. When the world realizes that they cant live without God, then things will be a lot better. Today is 9/11 and although I feel sorry for those who lost their lives and those who lost loved ones I had to focus on life and not death. Life is too short and if I dont get it right, Im going to be left behind, and I definitely dont want that. Im so glad I went to church today. The preacher told us all to lay our burdens down and not to pick them up again and that our shackles are broken. My issue is that I always lay stuff down but like a dummy I always pick them back up... Im tired of doing that, so now its time for me to get it together....