Future.....

I'm so ready for life to start fresh... It's been awhile since things have been in a good place but I think things are beginning to at least try n settle down. August 18th was my 4 year wedding anniversary. I must be honest the past year n a half has been the worst, and I was nervous about this day approaching, but we did say for better or worse right? So we spent the day together, with our son and it was nice. I realized how much I missed him being there and us doing our silly lil things like being competitive in a game of phase ten... Lol I cooked for us and we ate and played with our son. I love watching how close they are to each other. No matter what he has put us through, I couldn't ask for a better father for my son. Sometimes I even get jealous of how tight they are lol... I hate that Tj cries when one of us has to leave, which is why I've always wanted my child to have both of his parents in the home. I hate that he is torn between us but we make sure he knows we love him very much... Oh my life, my life, has been flipped upside down. Stuff has been crazy and hard.. I would've never thought 4years ago that wed be in this place, but I know things happen for a reason. We both have hurt each other with words n actions, some more than the other but I know we still have that connection n bond. Us spending that day together showed us a lot n we finally talked a little about our future. Although no one ever knows what will happen in the future but God, I'm still gonna remain confident. I have sat n thought about a lot of things, n I have to admit that with us arguing n dealing with things, I pushed him away, n he the same. We know were one of those couples that will always love each other no matter what. Even if things don't completely work out. We have time tho.. time to get ourselves together so we can get US together. I've said i hated him, and all kinds of things, but that was just a big front.. I was told " this is your husband and your marriage, it ain't over unless you walk away". And thats real... Either you put up the fight of your life n go get your family back, or you give up. Yes we both got some major issues to deal with n work on, n there r even other people in the mix, but at the end of the day all that matters is us, if we want it that way. I haven't done what I was supposed to do, I didn't stay prayed up at all times n when things happened I pushed him further way instead of just praying about it. So I failed, just as much as he did, but if God gives us another chance, then ima fight to get it right n that's also y I'm glad we have the time to get ourselves together first, something we should've been did.. I know what was before all this bs n that's what I want back... Some may call me dumb or stupid n whatever else, n that's fine, ill be that... There's a reason we haven't let go, n I'm not stupid, I know what's going on when my eyes can't see... But hey what's meant to be is meant to be...I'm working on taking my rightful place, back where I belong n I will do what I have to do, in order to do so. Hearing those words the other day, made my heart flutter like back in the day when we first started.. That's all I've been wanting to hear... So I guess we shall see... Idk what will happen, and I know its bout to be one hell of a journey but I'm ready...