Change... let it go

So I was talking to one of my mentors and she ran some deep stuff by me. Things that I have thought about but u know how u always need someone else to tell u something u already know.. yeah sad but anyway she was encouraging me and reminding me that even when things look bleak and just bad, there is always a blessing at the end of the tunnel. I know that everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason. Now I may not know those reasons as of yet lol but I'm sure they will be revealed to me eventually. We talked for a long time and I am ttruly grateful for her being in my life. She doesn't take sides and she will tell u when n if ur wrong. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. I also been thinking about how all the bickering and Ish has got to stop. There is no point, and its not going to get anyone anywhere. Jackie if u read my blog then I just wanted tto say I have no real issues with u. I know that u r the one other woman that he cared for truly and I know u cared for him. This isn't all ur fault, n I know that u were just doing what your heart was saying. I'm not mad at u and really ur not mad at me cuz I've never done anything to u. U know the person u are mad at. No I didn't say this on twitter cuz I didn't want everyone in our business. I'm done with the going back n forth on twitter stuff n I mean come on, that ain't even something u do. Ive had enough of that childish BS. I'm just saying, us being petty at each other is stupid, and we were both hurt n not by each other.. I would've emailed u or did this on a personal level buy I don't have ur info so anyway I respect u enough to just say this here instead of on a catty ass social network. Now back to me... Lol so I was thinking about going back to school in January instead of waiting till June, idk I gotta do something.. lol I'm ready to get my masters n move out of state. I'm just ready for a change, for things to fall back in place, n for God to lead this time. I'm tired of trying to do things my way, its time to let go..

My business or yours

So this is wat I don't understand.. why do people worry so much about wats going on in the life of someone else if they're so called moving on with theirs? You actually take time out of ur day to not only look at what I'm saying n doing but to actually comment on n converse with your self about it. U call me dumb n stupid n soon ill find out this n that, umm ok how many times r u going to say that? If I am going to find out some stuff, then why don't u just let me find it the hell out. I mean Damn why is what were doing in 2011 still such a big concern for u? And if I am dumb n stupid for trying to fix wats MINE then ok ill be that, but that don't make neither of u smarter or better than me cuz ur still going after the same nigga n for wat reason???? U say I got it worse n I'm worse off, ok if u feel that way then that's fine but regardless of wat u THINK about me it doesn't really matter. U can sit up n talk about me n talk about things u did on this day n that, so what point are u making? That ur just as simple minded as he is? If dissing me on a social network and talking about me n MY HUSBAND makes u happy then continue doing so. Cuz as dumb as u say I am and as worse off as u claim I am, I still have a big advantage over all of u.. I didn't just let some nigga get me pregnant, I don't consistently let a guy have sex wit me whenever he wants to, and Im not " in love" wit a guy who is married regardless if him n his wife is seperated. Yes ill admit our ish is jacked up right now, way jacked up but that dont mean it can't be fixed. U say he will never change? He can't change but u want people to accept ur so called change? It's sad when people will say n do things just to try n piss someone else off and make them mad. If ur still having sex with him or anything, r u making me look bad or yourself??? I'm not worried about what yall do wit whomever, go ahead n have fun with it... I'm not gonna do like before n allow everything someone says drive me away from my shit... So keep talking, keep looking, and keep doing whatever. But know this, u don't know me, and u don't know everything...and ur not hurting me... So ill continue being stupid, n dumb, n worse off as yall call it, and live my life and Im sure yall will continue doing wat yall doing? N wat is that exactly? Lol right I'm not gone argue, bicker, tweet, n fight over something I don't need to... If yall wanna keep minding my business for me, then be my guest, hopefully eventually ull get tired and move on with ur lives... Or maybe not

Future.....

I'm so ready for life to start fresh... It's been awhile since things have been in a good place but I think things are beginning to at least try n settle down. August 18th was my 4 year wedding anniversary. I must be honest the past year n a half has been the worst, and I was nervous about this day approaching, but we did say for better or worse right? So we spent the day together, with our son and it was nice. I realized how much I missed him being there and us doing our silly lil things like being competitive in a game of phase ten... Lol I cooked for us and we ate and played with our son. I love watching how close they are to each other. No matter what he has put us through, I couldn't ask for a better father for my son. Sometimes I even get jealous of how tight they are lol... I hate that Tj cries when one of us has to leave, which is why I've always wanted my child to have both of his parents in the home. I hate that he is torn between us but we make sure he knows we love him very much... Oh my life, my life, has been flipped upside down. Stuff has been crazy and hard.. I would've never thought 4years ago that wed be in this place, but I know things happen for a reason. We both have hurt each other with words n actions, some more than the other but I know we still have that connection n bond. Us spending that day together showed us a lot n we finally talked a little about our future. Although no one ever knows what will happen in the future but God, I'm still gonna remain confident. I have sat n thought about a lot of things, n I have to admit that with us arguing n dealing with things, I pushed him away, n he the same. We know were one of those couples that will always love each other no matter what. Even if things don't completely work out. We have time tho.. time to get ourselves together so we can get US together. I've said i hated him, and all kinds of things, but that was just a big front.. I was told " this is your husband and your marriage, it ain't over unless you walk away". And thats real... Either you put up the fight of your life n go get your family back, or you give up. Yes we both got some major issues to deal with n work on, n there r even other people in the mix, but at the end of the day all that matters is us, if we want it that way. I haven't done what I was supposed to do, I didn't stay prayed up at all times n when things happened I pushed him further way instead of just praying about it. So I failed, just as much as he did, but if God gives us another chance, then ima fight to get it right n that's also y I'm glad we have the time to get ourselves together first, something we should've been did.. I know what was before all this bs n that's what I want back... Some may call me dumb or stupid n whatever else, n that's fine, ill be that... There's a reason we haven't let go, n I'm not stupid, I know what's going on when my eyes can't see... But hey what's meant to be is meant to be...I'm working on taking my rightful place, back where I belong n I will do what I have to do, in order to do so. Hearing those words the other day, made my heart flutter like back in the day when we first started.. That's all I've been wanting to hear... So I guess we shall see... Idk what will happen, and I know its bout to be one hell of a journey but I'm ready...

Delete

Well if ur a reader of my blog, sorry I deleted everything.. I'm going to start fresh with a new blog..